An ode to relationships -

Feeling nostalgic about relationships today - and as I'm writing a new book about the older/younger dating dynamic - this  came to me...

Sink or swim.

I'm looking for someone to explore the river of life with me. Hold hands and jump in, see where it takes us. I've been waiting on dry-land for a while now.

If life was a day on this river, I have dreams of jumping in a raft to see where we go together. Maybe we could jump straight In. No raft necessary -
I've always known I was a good swimmer.

But you're hesitant, and tell me you're afraid of the water.

I tell you you can do it, that there is nothing to fear. That the fear is only in our minds.

As I wait for you to see if you're ready to take a closer look, I turn, and you are running to jump in.

And I'm still standing on the shore as you float away. You only see me from a distance, or during a break in the waves. And I watch you live. Floating away - smiling.

I'm just standing on the bank - waving. Waiting to see if I can catch another glimpse of you before you're out of sight.

I just wanted to swim or float or sink...along with someone. And I'm still on the shore.

#novellines #matthewalan #love #learning

Just Like You?

Just needed to post this excerpt (lost a dear friend last week and I wish we had talked more about this type of issue) - I vowed years ago, when I started writing and coaching, that I would share the past, and the struggles I've had, because if it helps even one person, that sharing would be worth it.
Today was a long day, and maybe it was for some of you as well - and sometimes people need reminding that long days are good....better than no days at all.

"In the past, in the midst of a depression, I assumed that this feeling was going to last the rest of my life. What a daunting feeling that is!
The cognitive process and understanding that it’s a chemical reaction going on in my body and mind, has since allowed me to know that the depression would be for a finite period of time. It has been an important thought to hang onto as I have faced other depressions.
This realization, combined with the fact that I finally learned it was alright to ask for help, for small things from friends, for big things from God, brought me a greater peace.
If I can plead with you one last moment about suicide prevention and fighting tendencies towards that terrible idea, if it prowls upon you, fight it. (I repeat that is does still happen to me on occasion - those times when the voices come, and tell me I’m nothing, that I’m not special and a drain on others – and I start to believe them. It’s quite a scary time.) But where I beat it, is in the realization that if these thoughts were true, if nothing about me is redeeming, why try so hard to convince me of that fact? Why bother with me at all if I’m so insignificant?

You are important. You are loved, even if you don’t feel particularly understood in the moment. So fight the fight knowing the voices are wrong. In the end, that’s what matters. #suicideprevention #notananswer #dontbelieveit.  "

I want people to know - being vocal about your struggles and asking for help -is not only okay, but for many people it's life-changing.....

Book Link

Sunday Share - Just Like You?

Excerpt - "Just Like You?"

Let me say, some men can pull off this transformation and I have seen drag queens that are as beautiful as female models, to see me is to understand why this look was not ideal. I have rather large features, butcher hands, a large nose, and shoulders that stick out way too far. The Lee press-ons only exaggerated how gawky my hands were, and though we had glasses that slid down my nose to distract from its bulbous shape, it can and must be said without hurting my feelings that I was not an attractive woman.

Undeterred, we decided that Deb would be Linda’s cousin from Cleveland (I think we called her Ann) and I would be her Aunt Beverly. So Linda, Ann and Aunt Bev walked into the restaurant at about 7:00 on a Tuesday night in Canton, Ohio.

Go ahead…I know it’s bad. And we went out in public like this.

Anyone who saw us enter had to wonder what the nice lady in jeans and a t-shirt was doing with a hooker and a 40 year old librarian. In too deep to back out now, we went in, sat at a table and ordered a pitcher of strawberry Margaritas. Linda even called Jay over to introduce us. He later reported to his dismay how un-attractive and random Linda’s friends were.

The waitress brought us the pitcher that he had made, and we were actually having a really nice time and starting to relax in our victory. Then as I was pouring Deb another glass, unaccustomed to having full-figured breasts, I accidentally tipped my glass over and spilled a full cup of the red liquid into my lap and onto my (Linda’s) new, white full-length skirt.

Deb and I headed into the ladies room to rinse it out…what choice did we have? Let’s also say that men in bad drag should never speak when other people are around in the Women’s Restroom. Three women entered, saw the scene of Deb helping this frumpy lady clean her skirt and laughing nervously. We would have been fine, but the loud voice and deep throatiness of the librarian who was standing while the hooker blotted her skirt made the other women uneasy. As our embarrassment reached its limit, we left and moved on with the evening…

Like I said, Deb helped me grow outside my boundaries in many ways.

Just Like You? Link

#dragisnotforeveryone #JLY #comingout #bestfriends #truthtelling #memoir #suicideprevention #mentalhealth